


No Guts, No Glory

by NCISVU



Category: NCIS
Genre: Gen, Humor, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-07 06:19:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NCISVU/pseuds/NCISVU
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Abby are bored and Gibbs pays the price. Pure silliness basically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Guts, No Glory

“Wanna watch a movie?” Abby asked as she sat on her couch propped up against Tony. 

“No, I wanna have some fun first,” Tony said. “Wanna hit the bar?”

“Nah, not in the mood tonight,” Abby said. “Wanna go bug Tim?”

“Not really,” Tony said. “He’s busy writing. That’ll just make him grumpy. Has Ziva left yet?”

“Yeah, she was leaving for New York City as soon as Gibbs cut us free,” Abby said. “I can’t believe there’s nothing to do.”

“Sucks,” Tony said. “We finally get a weekend off and we’re gonna end up wasting all of it sitting here trying to come up with something to do.”

Abby sighed deeply as she rested her head on Tony’s shoulder. Tony laid his head on top of hers and they stared at the wall in front of them. Neither were tired but both were incredibly bored. 

“Wanna play truth or dare till we come up with something else to do?” Abby asked.

“Sure,” Tony said shrugging his shoulders. Truth or dare was always interesting when you were playing with Abby. “Ladies first.”

“Alright,” Abby said. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Tony said. Both sat up on the couch and turned to face each other.

Abby rubbed her hands together and closed her eyes, thinking hard about a dare for one of her closest friends. Tony got a little worried when he saw the devious grin spread across her face.

“I dare you to carve your initials somewhere on Gibbs’ boat,” Abby said.

Tony’s mouth dropped opened and his eyes widened. “What?! He’s gonna kill me!”

“He doesn’t have to know,” Abby said. “He’s not home tonight. You could sneak over there right now and carve it somewhere he won’t see it. Unless— you’re too scared.”

Tony’s expression went from shocked to serious. He’d never ever backed down from a challenge before and he wasn’t about to start then. The thought of doing something so sneaky was enough to bring a smile to his face and send adrenaline coursing through his veins. He was definitely taking his life into his own hands. “Never,” he said, “I’ll do it but you have to come with me, you know, just to make sure I actually do it.” There was no way he was going alone. If they did somehow get caught, he had full confidence in Abby’s ability to talk their way out of trouble. She was, after all, the favorite.

Even though it was her idea, Abby was a little reluctant to accompany him on the mission but there was no way she was going to let on that she was scared. She nodded her agreement and they shook hands to seal the deal.

“We better hurry up and get over there,” Tony said, quickly slipping his shoes onto his feet. “Who knows how long Amira’s birthday party is gonna last.”

“You’re driving,” Abby said. “I’d have to put gas in my car and I don’t want to take the time.”

“Me neither,” Tony said. He grabbed his car keys, waited for Abby to lock up her apartment then they both raced down to his car.  
The ride over to Gibbs’ house seemed to take forever. Abby was constantly glancing at her watch and Tony kept one eye on the road and the other on the clock on the dashboard. Neither of them wanted to get caught. Both were thriving on the adrenaline rush. It was better than a caffeine high.

“Don’t park in his driveway,” Abby whispered. “That way if he comes home we’ll still have a chance to get out of there alive.”

“Good idea,” Tony said, “but why are you whispering?”

“I don’t know,” Abby said. “I’m trying to get in the mode.”

Tony parked the car far enough down the street that Gibbs wouldn’t notice it if he happened to come home early. It was already 8:00. Amira was young; both knew her party wasn’t going to last all night. They had to work fast. They hurried to the house and found the front door unlocked.

“I’ve told Gibbs he should lock his house up,” Abby said shaking her head.

“Good thing for us he didn’t,” Tony said. “I didn’t really want to break in.”

They hurried down to the basement, flipped the light on and both of them stared at the boat. Abby watched Tony closely, wondering if he was really going to go through with it. She could see he was nervous. Messing with Gibbs’ things was always dangerous. 

“We don’t have much time,” Abby said. “You better hurry.”

“Right,” Tony said. He walked around the boat searching for the perfect spot for his initials, a spot not easily noticed. He was grateful Abby hadn’t specified where he had to carve his initials. With any luck Gibbs wouldn’t be any the wiser to their prank. “I’m thinking under the boat,” he said after circling it.

He and Abby both crawled under the boat and Tony found a tight area right next to a seam that he was sure Gibbs wouldn’t be able to see. Their boss didn’t have the best vision. Abby pulled a knife out of her pocket and handed it to him. Tony took the knife, looked at her one last time then carved a tiny ‘A’ in the wood.

“I am so dead,” he said.

“Keep going,” Abby encouraged. “We gotta get out of here.”

Tony added two ‘Ds’ then, just as he and Abby were getting ready to make their escape, Tony’s shoe got wedged in between two of the boards they were laying on. He wiggled and jerked his foot but that only seemed to trap him further. “I’m stuck,” he whispered.

“What?” Abby asked her eyes growing wide. This wasn’t going to end well. She knew it.

“Help me,” Tony said, still struggling to free his foot.

Abby assessed the situation and realized Tony’s large shoe was definitely wedged between the two boards. She pushed and pulled and tried to free him but her efforts were proving to be futile. “How did you even get your foot in here?!” she asked.  
“I was using it as leverage when I was carving my name,” Tony said. “It slipped.”

Abby slowed herself down and focused. She knew Tony’s foot had to come out the same way it went in and that her yanking and tugging on it wasn’t going to work. After some effort she managed to get his foot out of his shoe then free the shoe. As she was handing it to him to put back on they heard the front door open. Both of them froze. Tony quickly pocketed the knife while he tried to come up with a plan. There was absolutely nowhere to hide in Gibbs’ basement. 

“Maybe he won’t come down here,” Abby whispered.

“We turned the light on,” Tony whispered back. “The chances of him not coming to investigate that are slim to none.”

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into coming,” Abby muttered.

“Me?!” Tony whispered loudly. “This whole thing was your idea!”

“Yeah, well if your stupid ginormous foot wouldn’t have gotten stu—” 

Tony clasped his hand over Abby’s mouth as the door to the basement opened. Both laid perfectly still hoping Gibbs would just turn the light off and go to bed. Tony’s heart was beating out of his chest as he listened to Gibbs’ boots descend the steps. Gibbs stopped in the middle of the staircase and just stared at them. Abby and Tony stared back, waiting to see if he was going to speak.

“Uh, hi Boss,” Tony said as nonchalantly as possible. “We just came over to see if you were— if you’d um… if—”

“If you wanted to hang out with us tonight!” Abby said with a smile.

Gibbs walked the rest of the way down the stairs and looked up at the underside of his boat while Tony sat up and put his shoe on.

“My shoe fell off,” he explained weakly when he saw Gibbs looking at him.

“Uh-huh,” Gibbs replied skeptically. It wasn’t unusual for him to have visitors but the last thing he’d expected was to find Tony and Abby in his basement when he got home. Both of them knew he was celebrating his Goddaughter’s birthday and wouldn’t be home.

“Well, we can see you’re not in the mood to watch a movie with us tonight,” Tony said. 

“We’ll just be going now,” Abby added.

Before Gibbs could say anything else both of them were up the stairs and out the front door. They raced back down the street to Tony’s car and Tony burned rubber pulling out of Gibbs’ neighborhood. He fully expected to look in his rearview mirror and see Gibbs running them down any minute.

The drive home was fast and quiet. Once they arrived back at Abby’s apartment they raced up the stairs, fumbled with the key in the lock, entered, slammed the door shut, locked it and sank down to the floor with their backs pressed against it.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into that,” Tony said once he finally caught his breath. “I’m gonna have to change my appearance, change my name, probably move to a different country.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Tony,” Abby said. “Gibbs would still be able to find you.”

“You’re not helping,” Tony said, “at all.”

Abby laughed and leaned into Tony. That was the most excitement she’d had in a long time.

“Got any food around here?” Tony asked. “Staring death in the face and living to tell about it makes a guy hungry.”

“We could order a pizza,” Abby suggested. She was too shaky to cook anything.

The two ordered a pizza from one of their favorite pizza joints and had it delivered. They talked about their exciting evening and wondered what Gibbs was up to while they ate. Had he found Tony’s initials? Was he still searching the basement, trying to figure out what they’d done? Was he on his way over to Abby’s place to confront them? Would they be punished at work?

They finally managed to calm themselves down, got dinner cleaned up then returned to the couch. In Abby’s mind that was more than enough excitement to get her through the night but Tony had other plans.

“Alright, Abs,” he said, “truth or dare?”

Abby looked over at him wondering if he seriously wanted to go another round. “Dare,” she said, quickly getting back into the spirit of the game.

Tony smiled from ear to ear. Payback was going to be so much fun. “You know how you’re always wondering if Gibbs is a boxers or briefs kinda guy?” Abby felt her stomach drop. She knew what was coming next. “I dare you to go over to his house and bring me back a pair of his underwear.”

“Wow,” Abby said. “That’s a good one. Is it too late to switch to truth?”

“Yep,” Tony said. “I’m not going with you either. The proof will be when you get back—underwear in hand.”

“Oh my gosh,” Abby said trying to formulate some kind of a plan. “How am I supposed to get a pair of his underwear?! He’s at his house! It’s not like I can just ring the doorbell and ask him to borrow a pair.”

“The how is totally up to you,” Tony said.

“Okay,” Abby said calming herself. “He sleeps on his couch so if I wait till he falls asleep I should be able to sneak in and out without waking him. I’ll take my shoes and jewelry off so he won’t hear me. I can do this. Do you have any objections to me waiting till he falls asleep?”

“Nope,” Tony said. “I’m feeling generous so I’ll give you till 8:00 tomorrow morning.”

The two nodded at each other and shook hands. 

“And Abby,” Tony said, “I’ll be able to tell if you go to the store and buy some.”

“I would never cheat!” Abby gasped. “Besides, I really do wanna know if he’s a boxers or briefs kind of guy. I’m gonna be in trouble if I get over there and find out he goes commando. I won’t have anything to bring you.”

“Boss doesn’t go commando,” Tony said fairly confidently. “If he does just me a pair of his socks, then I’ll know you were up there.”

Waiting for Gibbs to fall asleep was excruciating for Abby. Tony had put a movie in and was chilling out but Abby was having a difficult time focusing on anything. She wanted to hurry up and get over to Gibbs’ house, complete her dare and get back. Shortly before 1:00 in the morning she decided it was time. She waved goodbye to Tony and headed out.

Her anticipation grew as she drove towards Gibbs’ house again. She stopped and put some gas in her tank just to prolong her task a little longer and give Gibbs a couple extra minutes to fall asleep. She parked her car a ways down the street, removed all her jewelry then walked to Gibbs’ house. There were no lights on in the house so she peeked in the front window and saw Gibbs lying on the couch. She watched for a minute to make sure he was asleep then went to the front porch and took her shoes off. Before entering she took several deep breaths, trying to calm her nerves.

She pushed the door open then waited and listened before entering. You got this, Abby, she told herself. She crept up the stairs and down the hall to Gibbs’ room on her tiptoes. She pulled the small flashlight out of her pocket then eased the top dresser drawer open as quietly as she could. She smiled when she saw her prize. 

Briefs, I knew it, she thought with a smile as she grabbed a pair. She turned the flashlight off and stuffed it in her pocket with the underwear. Once her eyes adjusted to the dark again she headed back down the hall and down the stairs. The end was in sight. She couldn’t believe she’d gotten away with it. She walked confidently towards the front door but two strong arms grabbed her. When she screamed, Gibbs clasped his hand over her mouth. He waited for her to stop struggling then flipped the light on.

“Uh-oh,” Abby muttered. They may have gotten away with messing around in Gibbs’ basement but Abby knew Gibbs wasn’t going to let her get away again so easily.

“What are you and DiNozzo up to?” Gibbs asked.

“Nothin’,” Abby said with an innocent smile.

Gibbs saw her overloaded pocket, stuck his fingers in and pulled out the pair of underwear she was attempting to run off with. He held it up waiting for her to explain.

Abby gulped as she looked up at him. “I— have no idea how those could’ve gotten in there,” she said.

“Is that so?” Gibbs asked watching her closely. “I’m putting you under house arrest,” he said tossing the underwear aside. “This house is your jail and DiNozzo’s the only one who can pay your bail. You get one phone call. Let me know when you want to make it.”

“What?! There’s no way Tony’s gonna come over here and save me!” Abby objected.

“You better hope you can convince him,” Gibbs said as he headed into the kitchen for some coffee. He didn’t know what Tony and Abby were up to but it was clear he wasn’t going to get any peace that night with them on the loose.

Abby sulked her way into the kitchen and looked over at Gibbs. “I think I’m ready to make that phone call now,” she said.  
Gibbs handed her her purse and watched as she dug her phone out. “Uh-uh,” he said when she tried to escape to the living room. 

“You want to listen in on our conversation?” Abby asked.

“I’m not gonna let you two get your stories straight on the phone,” Gibbs said.

“Come on, Gibbs,” Abby said, “can’t you just slap my head and get it over with? Ground me? Spank my butt?”

“Nope,” Gibbs said. Making them suffer was much more fun.  
Abby flopped down at the dining room table with Gibbs standing over her. She dialed Tony’s number and prayed he would answer.

“That was fast,” Tony said. “Did you get the merchandise?”

“Uh, kind of,” Abby said. 

“What do you mean kind of?” Tony asked beginning to get a sinking feeling in his gut.

“Well, it’s briefs,” Abby said, “but—”

“Oh no,” Tony interrupted, “busted?”

“Busted,” Abby confirmed. “Gibbs says I’m in jail and you’re the only one that can pay my bail.” There was a long silence on the phone and Abby was starting to think Tony had hung up. “Tony? You better not hang up on me! I only get one phone call.”

“I’m still here,” Tony said. “He’ll take it easy on you, Abs.”

“Maybe, but you’ll still have to see him Monday morning,” Abby said.

“Argh, that’s right,” Tony said. “I’ll be over—some time.”

“Don’t take too long,” Abby said looking up at Gibbs. She’d rather wake an angry bear from hibernation than wait for Gibbs to hand out her punishment. She hung up the phone and handed it back to Gibbs. After slipping it in his pocket, Gibbs took her arm and guided her into the living room.

“You gonna tell me what you two are up to?” he asked around a yawn.

“Tony and I were bored,” Abby explained.

“I noticed,” Gibbs said.

“We were playing truth or dare,” Abby said. She really didn’t want to give him any more details.

“At my house?” Gibbs asked.

“Not exactly,” Abby said. “It’s just impossible to pull the wool over your eyes so—”

“So I’m an easy target?” Gibbs asked as he drank his coffee.

“No, not at all!” Abby said dramatically. “In fact, it’s just the opposite. That’s why we chose you.”

“So I should be honored?” Gibbs clarified.

“Yeah,” Abby said with a nod of her head and a confident smile.

“So, what were you two doing in my basement?” Gibbs asked. “Tony obviously dared you to come over here and steal my underwear. What’d you dare him to do?”

Abby gulped audibly. Underwear was one thing but Gibbs’ boat was like the Ark of the Covenant—it was not to be touched. “I’d rather not say,” she said.

“I’d rather you did,” Gibbs said.

“I um, might’ve dared Tony to come over here and lay under you boat,” Abby said.

“And?” Gibbs asked when Abby didn’t continue on her own. He knew there was more to the story.

“And I may have dared him to… um… possibly carve his initials into your boat.” She readied herself for the screaming fit she suspected was coming.

“I know,” Gibbs said.

Abby shot straight up and glared over at him. “You know?” she asked completely in shock at his calm demeanor.

“I know,” he clarified. “Just wanted to see if you’d tell me the truth.”

“If you know then why aren’t you yelling and screaming and digging my grave in your backyard?” Abby asked. “Why didn’t you come over to my apartment and kill us?”

“That’d be too easy,” Gibbs said, “and I’m not letting either of you off easy.”

“I was afraid of that,” Abby mumbled.

By the time Tony arrived nearly two hours later, Abby was sound asleep propped up on Gibbs’ shoulder on the couch. She may have gotten caught and been anxiously awaiting the consequences but he was still a very loving father figure and Abby always found comfort and peace in his arms. She’d had so much adrenaline coursing through her veins that night that she’d crashed hard when she came down from her high.

Tony looked nervously at Abby until he realized she was just sleeping then mentally head slapped himself. He knew Gibbs wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt any of them, her especially. This wasn’t how he’d planned on spending his weekend though. With Gibbs also asleep he’d have to wait until morning to learn the consequences for his actions. It was going to be a long night. He made himself comfortable in the chair in the living room and did his best to get some sleep. He knew better than to return home.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Gibbs parked his car in the employee lot then headed into NCIS followed by an unusually quiet Tony and Abby. They still didn’t know what Gibbs had planned for them and it was driving them crazy. They’d rather just get it over with no matter how unpleasant it may be.

“Come on, Boss,” Tony whined. “Can’t you just tell us what you’re gonna do to us?”

“You’ll know soon enough, Tony,” Gibbs assured him as he opened the door to the janitorial closet. He put a couple rags in a bucket and handed it to Abby then handed Tony a large bottle of liquid soap. “With me,” he said crooking his finger at them as he headed back down the hall.

Tony and Abby exchanged glances before hurrying after Gibbs. He led them out to the lot where the company cars were parked and stopped. 

“While I’m upstairs getting my work done, you two are going to be out here washing every single one of these of these cars,” Gibbs explained. “I want ‘em spotless.”

“Aw, come on, Boss,” Tony complained. “I’d rather be tortured.”

“We said we were sorry,” Abby added. “Trust us, it’ll never happen again.”

“Never,” Tony emphasized.

“It’s obvious you two have absolutely nothing to do this weekend so I’ve found something for you,” Gibbs said. “Any more complaining and I can find more work for you guys to do.”

Tony grunted while Abby went off in search of a hose. Gibbs smiled, satisfied, and headed back into the building. Those two would think twice before involving him in their little games next time. They could spend the day doing something productive and he wouldn’t have to worry about what they were up to. 

Tony and Abby washed the first few cars while they were still half asleep. Gibbs had fed them and provided them with caffeine but it had been a long, restless night and an early morning. Gibbs got up at the crack of dawn whether he was working a case or hanging around the house. The man didn’t understand the concept of sleeping in.

They took a break after their fifth car and shared a Caf-Pow. The sun was rising high in the sky and they were starting to get hot and sweaty. Both were more alert and decided to make the best of the situation. Sure, they’d rather be somewhere else doing anything else but the two could have fun no matter what they were doing. If they had to spend their Saturday washing cars then they’d have fun doing it.

When lunchtime rolled around Gibbs ordered a pizza and took it down to Tony and Abby. He found Tony shirtless and dripping water and Abby spraying him relentlessly. He wasn’t sure who was covered in more water, Tony, Abby or the cars they were supposed to be washing. An ear piercing whistle got their attention.

“How’s it coming?” he asked as Tony and Abby grabbed a piece of pizza.

“We’ve only got nine cars left,” Tony said with a mouth full of food.

“I’m heading out in about three hours,” Gibbs said as he grabbed a slice of the pizza. “If you two are coming with me you better be done and you better be dry.”

Tony and Abby watched Gibbs walk away as they both scarfed down another piece of the pizza. The sun would dry them in no time but they’d have to work a little harder to get the rest of the cars washed. Tony crammed the rest of his pizza in his mouth and got back to work. Abby finished hers while Tony rinsed the car off.

Three hours later when Gibbs returned to the parking lot, Tony and Abby were rinsing off the last car. Gibbs inspected their work while Abby moved the last car back to its parking space and Tony returned the supplies to the building. Once he approved of the job they’d done, they all piled in his car and headed back to his house. 

“I hope you two learned your lesson,” Gibbs said.

“Definitely,” Abby said.

“We’ll never mess with you again, Boss,” Tony added.

Gibbs looked at them skeptically before smiling. They always kept him on his toes and although they drove him nuts sometimes, he loved them and couldn’t imagine life without them. He’d keep them out of trouble the rest of the afternoon with a barbeque. He decided he might even watch a movie with them that night.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Tony/Abby/Trapped under Gibbs’ boat… That theme didn’t really dominate the story but it is what sparked this crazy idea.


End file.
